Quarantine Diaries: One, Stuck in the Middle With You

It feels a little awkward to be writing this, I blogged my way through my last complicated pregnancy, through our move and subsequent renovations. The thing is, this doesn't feel unique to me in the same way. I am not currently suffering in the way that so many are suffering from this. I'm simply living out my life from the comfort of my own home, surrounded by loved ones. I'm acutely aware of my own privilege in this.

But, sometimes, I think the common story is one worth telling. It's a way for us to relate to one another. I feel like I'm digesting a steady stream of information, information that is often conflicting. I'm experiencing the odd feeling of being in the middle of a timeline. I can see how things have played out in places that are further along than we are here in San Francisco, and on the other end, I can see how friends and family in areas this has not yet had real consequences are still living out their lives in a way they probably won't be in one more week. We were one of the first to shut the city down, and I've witnessed and struggled with the starts and stops as we navigate an evolving situation. Witnessing people flood the parks as every other option closed, watching as those parks also closed. Watching as we've gone from guidelines to enforcement. But I've also looked on as local hospitals have run out of proper PPE, as our school closed, made plans to reopen, then had to shift once again, figuring out how to serve the families of essential workers.

I'm also navigating a whole new set of everyday banalities. Learning how to Zoom and watching as a classroom of kids clamor to speak over one another. Watching as my preschooler grows increasingly frustrated as she attempts to talk to her favorite teacher- not understanding the "mute" button means they can't hear her even though she can hear them. I've made up my own set of rules and procedures. How we set the mail aside for a few days before handling it. How packages are placed in a special "quarantine" area then taken straight out after opening, how we have a nearly five-step process to decontaminate the groceries we go out for once a week. Which still feels too often. We have no real idea if any of this matters, it just feels safer than doing nothing. It feels as though if something happens, at least we tried something.

I worry about things I've never considered before. What will we do if we both get sick, who will take care of the kids? What will we do if the kids get sick? I'm high risk, having been asthmatic since I was a child. I worry about what will happen if I end up in the hospital, or worse. I put the worries aside and make dinner, trying to find a creative way to put odds and ends from the cupboard together. Wishing I was better at that sort of thing.

My husband is working from home, and we have two very young, very high energy children. When the big kid was in school, the baby took a 3-hour nap, and I had time to write. Now I stay up late and wake up early. A few weeks before this began, I started a weekly post about Bay Area events and design news. Ironically there are no more events, so I've found myself pivoting. Focusing instead on how small businesses around here are finding ways to survive. Marveling at how so many are putting aside their own struggles and finding ways to support the community. Feeling prouder than ever that despite being a place that churns out startups and is home to big tech, we're also filled with businesses and individuals with real heart.

This isn't the first week that we've been under quarantine; we've actually been home longer than most- for close to a month because my kid was sick, so we kept her out of school. Then school closed. It is the first week that I've caught my breath enough to sit down and write about it, so here we are: week one.

Thanks for being here with me if you've made it this far. I hope you are also safely in your home. I hope you are well. I would love to hear from you so feel free to leave a piece of your own story in the comments below. Let's get through this together.